There’s an interesting cultural difference down here in Australia and New Zealand called Tall Poppy Syndrome. Here’s the actual dictionary definition, to cut to the chase:

“noun. informal. Australian/NZ: a perceived tendency to discredit or disparage those who have achieved notable wealth or prominence in public life.”

The longer I am over here the more clear it becomes that this is a large part of why I feel so at home here. My whole life I have lived this out, quietly, inside myself. When I was a teenager nothing annoyed me more than cockiness and arrogance in others. As a young adult I loathed our culture of shameless self-promotion when it came time to apply for jobs. And recently I have feared ambition and worldly success as my husband grows more accomplished in his field. Quite honestly, I wanted to come here to Australia and New Zealand because I felt my life was a high speed train driven by our capitalist, competitive, ego driven culture and I wanted off!

But life is full of surprises, and I am learning a bit about the complexities of both cultures. In reality it is my own pride that bristles at the arrogance, and even success, of others. Ironically, it’s the humility of my friends over here, who are able to break out of tall poppy syndrome, that’s helping me see the good in my own culture. They are showing me what humility looks like by both celebrating our strengths and admitting their own weaknesses.

When I flat out asked for help seeing the good in our culture, Jessica was quick to share that we have strong leadership in our country, and that there is a huge lack of male leadership in New Zealand. When I try to explain our problems with hero worship in the church back home, and abuse of power, I sense that it all sounds very foreign to them. Friends from church here are quick to admit that Kiwis don’t honor their leaders well.

It’s been interesting to note that all the government officials I’ve encountered, from mayor to Prime Minister, are women. Even our boat captain was a woman. At first I was impressed with the progressiveness. But after Jessica pointed out that Kiwi women have a hard time finding men to lead their households, I can see more closely how it affects both genders. I have also heard a surprising number of off-hand comments about teenage boys getting into so much trouble here, and struggling with depression.

These are very personal and dangerous things to overgeneralize on. And they don’t reflect our experience. All the teenage boys we have encountered at parks here have been unusually kind and thoughtful. But it does make me pause to consider, as I raise four young boys, about the things I have observed in the men, and boys, in my life. There does seem to be some correlation between a sense of accomplishment and a healthy mental state. Maybe there is a place for ambition and competition. Maybe the lack of it does not equal utopia.

At any rate, working through my aversion to ambition would no doubt help my relationships at home. I have actually had some good conversations with Lewis about this lately, as I realize that my disdain for his competitive nature could be a simple difference between us that I really need to give ground on. My hopes for my own boys are being formed by this experience, to find some middle ground between the extremes.

Stewart consistently rises to a challenge, and he helps me see the value in challenging our boys. He has been writing stories on google docs about Mario Kart power ups, assigning them personalities, like I used to with letters and numbers. But he got into trouble for consuming comics when he was retrieving pictures of them from the internet. So I challenged him to start something new. He started writing about Kittyland, a world he’s imagined for years. This time he’s taking pictures of his own illustrations that he’s drawn. It’s incredible how well they respond to us challenging them to create instead of consume. I think they see the value themselves.

That’s another thing that I have been appreciating about American culture. There is a very high value placed on creativity, and I think it runs very deep into our history, back to many early inventors. When we had our friends from Japan over for dinner they shared a neat insight. They said that Americans are always inventing and Japanese are always improving. I found it a very healthy way to look at different strengths without being competitive.

Another difference Hiromi has brought to my attention is how we relate to each other in marriage. She said that in Japan spouses do not express emotion, or say “I love you.” This kind of floored me. When I was studying in Australia, as a 21 year old, many of my international friends teased us Americans for being romantics. I remember missing the genteelness of the boys back home, but at the time I had never had a boyfriend, so I couldn’t appreciate the reality of this cultural difference. But this time I came home to my husband with incredible thankfulness for the relationship we have. I know that Hollywood romance is laughable to a lot of the world, and I can relate to the sentiment, but I am thankful for real expectations of expressed love in our culture.

One subtle way I have noticed the tall poppy syndrome is in the area of praise. A couple of my close friends over here have found me very encouraging. Upon reflection, I don’t think it’s me, because I get the impression that they’re not used to being praised. I think in general Americans are more generous with praise. Maybe it goes hand in hand with evaluating achievement so much. At any rate, I am beginning to really appreciate the expressiveness of our culture.

Yesterday it came up at the dinner table that we were missing the International Folk Fair back in Eau Claire. It’s something we eagerly anticipate each year, because we love learning about other countries and trying their food. It was fun to celebrate the fact that we are living this event together this whole year! We have friends over on this side of the world from Australia, New Zealand, Japan, Korea, Singapore, India, Taiwan, China, Indonesia, England, Ireland, Germany, Chile, Peru, South Africa, Sri Lanka, Pacific Islands, and probably more I’m not thinking of! And the boys’ taste for international food has grown exponentially.

This whole experience is a huge dream come true, full of surprises. Especially how much my friends are helping me appreciate my own culture. I have been admittedly embarrassed to be an American. It’s obvious as soon as I open my mouth that I am, because of my accent. But we’re all a mixed bag, with good and bad. And it’s friendship that gets us past stereotypes and over generalizations, even the ones that were blinding me to the good in my own culture.

I am looking forward to coming home. I miss our family a lot, and our cat just had more kittens! But I say that with a pang in my heart because I will miss many things. I will miss the reality of a slower paced life that I know isn’t only because we’re on sabbatical, but in a culture with different values. Though these values feel so much closer to my own, life isn’t about my comfort. I am thankful that some of the things I once feared, and others that I idealized, have been somewhat disarmed.

I am even feeling free to allow myself some ambition. I too have dreams of being part of real change in our nation towards racial equality and justice. I don’t think I can do anything on my own, but I believe that together we can make a difference, and I’m realizing how cultural these feelings might be.

I also want to work hard at writing songs, because I am so thankful for music and those who have gifted us with it. That’s another good thing that folks at church here have helped me see. There was a song that Lewis really wanted me to learn that we sang at church. It was “Spirit of God” by Sovereign Grace Music. Scott said they use a lot of their songs. They happen to be in America and I have really been enjoying their music.

I think this tall poppy syndrome in me is a place where I have been limiting God with my own finite mind. I haven’t trusted anyone who is famous or popular, because I know Jesus is bringing an upside-down kingdom where the first shall be last and the last shall be first. So I have been somewhat childish. Just like my kids, in fact. They always use the upside-down kingdom to their advantage when they lose a race or game, saying “the last shall be first!” In my own way I have been trying to stay small so as not to miss out on the kingdom Jesus is bringing.

I have a hard time believing Jesus wanted to be famous. Every time I read that he told someone he healed to keep quiet my heart jumps, saying, “See! Jesus isn’t trying to be popular, just loving individuals.” But even if Jesus wasn’t playing into the world’s games of fame, he wasn’t afraid of it, like I am. Perhaps I have been reading myself into these stories. Perhaps there’s a lot more to Jesus than I’m willing to see.